whatever will be

I was sooooo nervous last night/this morning….but then I graduated. AND IT WAS AWESOME!

CONGRATS and Future Congrats to my lovelies in the Class of 2012!

I have this strange feeling of urgency in completing the last paper of my college career and studying for my last final. After a year of being like, ‘whatever, it’s my last year, I don’t care’ I am now being overcome with the need to prove myself and do well in these last remaining hours of undergrad. I finish writing a paper that I know could vastly improve (like all my papers) but this time I have this burning desire to actually try and improve it. Of course, I don’t actually. As soon as I open up the document to edit it one final time, I immediately start skimming it -in my usual fashion- settling for how it is, not wanting to make those minor changes because then I would have to re-email it to myself to print out in the morning. 

I take my last final tomorrow, for unarguably my easiest class, but I still have a nervousness that somehow, these last 100 points will explode all over my grades and prevent me from graduating (although I don’t even need the class to graduate). Even more stressful is the idea of these assignments and stresses being over. Then what will I do? How will I know how to live life when I don’t have someone telling me what to do (besides work). And what will I do with my family on graduation day? When the ceremony ends, and we finish our lunch, what am I supposed to do with them then? 

And how will life just continue on after graduation? The following Monday I have a work event…will no one care that this huge life event has just passed? Will I feel any different when it’s all over? I somehow doubt it. After 20 years as a student of one kind or another, what do I do with that studious skill I have worked for so long to perfect? 

These are just some of the questions that plague my mind as I wrap up my final finals. I’m staring at a future full of open-endedness, and the vastness is very intimidating. 

Maybe I should take it one season at a time. I’m sure after summer is over, these realization will hit me all the harder when I don’t go back to school in the fall. 

And on top of everything, we attempted to eat a 42” pizza, which although it seemed exciting has been a source of grief ever since I guzzled down that 1 1/4 slice. It’s all too much. If we take this pizza as a metaphor for life — It’s all too much! 

Here’s a picture to distract me from thinking like this: 

I had the most surprisingly terrifying experience last night.

More shocking than reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

After making a bet about someone else’s leftover pizza in the fridge, we opened up the suspected to go box only to be attacked by a mossy green and white fluffy ball of mystery!!!!! It was like having something jump out at you in a three-d movie. We let out shrieks and jumped back, then went in closer trying to identify the mysterious food. The only recognizable thing was a mushroom, and possibly some bits of pasta. The rest was consumed by what can only be described as a monster, a monster who wove a web of 3-d greenness over someone’s forgotten left-overs.

It was startling. and we caused quite a ruckus in the house. We held each other for comfort as the unsuspecting residents entered the scene. But no one will truly understand the horrors we witnessed in that kitchen.